Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
