Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
