Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
