watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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