I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
