He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
why do cheetos always look like penises
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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