I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
