Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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