She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
