I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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