I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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