the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
