So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
