Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
