I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
