i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
