Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
