So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
