clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
