If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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