i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize