dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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