for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
