man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
