i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
