please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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