Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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