Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
