I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
