I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
These tits shall not be calmed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
