dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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