I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
