p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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