Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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