I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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