am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
