Whoa Z and x make the same sound
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
