Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
