girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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