If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
