well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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