I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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