The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
