A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The power of my boobs compel you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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