Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
