I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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