oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
