Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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