I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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