okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
