Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
