The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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