Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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