Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
