Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
