i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
babies were throwing up all over the place
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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