Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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