when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
