To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
