im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
