this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
