I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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