I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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