I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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