Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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