Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize