So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
