i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Text me some of your sweat
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
