as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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