I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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