If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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