Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
