Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
