i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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