No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
