Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
