Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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