Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
