Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
