Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
smell my finger.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
