Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
