At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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