I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
