I wish my penis had an off switch
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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