Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
