OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
