their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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