How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
