He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
