Screwed.edu
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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