He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize