Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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