i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
