i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize