I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
