mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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