To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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