we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
