My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
