she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
