Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
