Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
